Can a Dad Be “The Best Man”?

Can a Dad Be “The Best Man”? Joseph J. Mackey This article first appeared in Our Time magazine, 2001. From 1959 to 1969, my wife and I had six children, two daughters followed by four sons. In the early years, we could barely imagine seeing them get married. But time went by, and one after another, as they prepared for their weddings, three of our sons asked me to be their best man. Each time, I was thrilled and surprised. They not only had each other to ask instead, they also had close friends they had known for many years. As I wondered why they chose me, I searched out our pasts together. I did the things most fathers do. We supported them in their school activities and sports. We transported them to and from practices and games. We took vacations together—fishing, swimming, and visiting new cities and parks. Maybe their memories of the fun were as good as mine. I also remembered when the boys took on paper routes to earn spending money. They were following the lead of their sisters, who always got their own jobs. Then one son told me that a gang of boys had been beating up his brother. So I volunteered to help that son with the Sunday morning delivery. With all the weekend inserts, each paper weighed several pounds, and my sons recognized a good thing. I ended up helping for five years. Many Sundays, after I had helped to complete “our” paper route, I would take my son to breakfast. In one case, this time alone with Dad helped a son solve the problem of the bullies. In 1998, I became seriously ill with liver disease brought on by Hepatitis C. After a last-minute liver transplant, I came out of the surgery to find everyone waiting there, even though some lived as far as 10 hours away. That was typical. They visited often while I was ill. There is no doubt they helped me survive the illness. Recently, my son Pete, the last of our six to marry, asked me to be his best man at his wedding this August. Now his siblings will see me stand with their brother at the altar gain. Do they have any idea what this means to me? Shortly after Pete’s request, I talked with a man who had a four-year-old son. I mentioned that for the fourth time I would soon be the best man for a son. The man had tears in his eyes. He said that if his son ever asked him to be the best man, it would be the proudest day in his life. I know what he means. Fathers try very hard to develop a good relationship with their sons, starting at a very early age. There are endless stories of fathers doing their best for their sons—in major health situations, in athletic endeavors, in support of their school efforts, in all kinds of events. Who can ever tell what impact those things will have? In my case, my sons said they wanted me to their best man. They have not shared with me the specific reason why. Maybe some day they will; that’s up to them. Phillies baseball fans know of the close relationship of John Vukovich, long-time coach, and his son Vince, a star player at Delaware University. Vince calls his father his “best friend.” Recently John had major surgery and Vince was considering not playing an important game. His father told him to play. There is no question that the close father-son relationship came about because of quality time together on and of the baseball field. Fathers that respect their son’s wishes and encourage them in their interests form a strong bond that will last forever. This summer I will be beside a son again as he waits at the end of an aisle to become a husband. Two other times, I have gone arm-in-arm with a daughter down a similar aisle. It takes only seconds to walk that aisle, but years of memories walk with me. I don’t know what our kids recall. But I know that it is an incredible feeling to be the best man to a son, every time. I also know that if my wife and I had the chance to earn the experience again, we would answer with a thrilled, “I do.” #

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Beach Babies

Cape May Point, the southern tip of the New Jersey shore, was our summer vacation destination, and the girls loved it. The sand, the surf, the sun, the shine -- they dug it all. They ran, they swam, they jumped, they climbed, they dunked, they stood and looked at the beauty (and made some too). And when they had had enough of the waves, they said what any sensible toddler would, "No more bubbles."

They met a camel (and giraffes, bears, snow leopard cubs, a white alligator, lizards, giant tortoises, zebras, cheetahs, golden lion tamarins, and the roar -- the amazing roar -- of a lion) up close and personal at the Cape May County Zoo. They played in the town fountain -- for almost an hour and a half, maybe the most fun they had all week (which is saying a lot, given how much laughing and smiling they did, with us following just behind in more ways than one). They ate clams and crab, shrimp and plenty of Momma's secret vegetable and fruit smoothies. They took in the fun of the seemingly endless Wildwood boardwalk in blistering heat, as we walked from one end all the way to the other before taking them on the trolley back, a ride they were shouting for ("Train! Train!"). Sundown to sunup, bay to beach, clothed to naked, they were non-stop action. We swear: they conducted the sea. Enjoy.

Water Everywhere

The baby pool is out, and the girls love stomping around in two inches of water, floating their toys, and getting soaking wet. They got a new water toy -- featuring a water wheel -- for their birthday from their grandparents, and play with it for hours. And this week we'll open the swimming pool. "Water!", pronounced "WA-La," the girls love to say of one of their favorite creations. As what promises to be a rainy week begins with a rainy Sunday, the girls went outside in their gear today to have some fun. Enjoy.

p.s. Naturally, rain time was followed by a warm bath. WA-La!

Two, Two

Our girls turned two today! Wow. And pictures seemed appropriate, stretching back from last fall to the present. These pictures feature them in winter gear and mud splashing, stripped down and scarfed up, in the nation's capital and in the butterfly house, sleeping and reading, hugging and exploring, and growing, growing, growing. Enjoy.

And the answers are...

Twin Knowledge Quiz Answers:
Rory
Both
Danni
Rory
Rory
Danni
Danni

Twin Knowledge

With their second birthday just around the corner, we thought it was a good time to test your knowledge of the girls deepening personalities. So here you go. Results revealed this weekend. Hint: 3 Rory, 3 Danni, and one of the answers is "Both."

Good luck!

1. Which girl likes to say "No"?
Rory
Danni
Both

2. Which girl loves to eat olives?
Rory
Danni
Both

3. Which girl will almost always try something new (like walking across a rail tie in the yard or getting into a sled)?
Rory
Danni
Both

4. Which girl likes to kiss about any object she passes (a plant, a statue of a frog by our back stairs, a chair)?
Rory
Danni
Both

5. Which girl loves trying to put things together and always has (such as buckles to a seat belt, parts of a toy)?
Rory
Danni
Both

6. Which girl loves making funny faces for her parents to imitate?
Rory
Danni
Both

7. Which girl always likes being tossed around?
Rory
Danni
Both