Can a Dad Be “The Best Man”?

Can a Dad Be “The Best Man”? Joseph J. Mackey This article first appeared in Our Time magazine, 2001. From 1959 to 1969, my wife and I had six children, two daughters followed by four sons. In the early years, we could barely imagine seeing them get married. But time went by, and one after another, as they prepared for their weddings, three of our sons asked me to be their best man. Each time, I was thrilled and surprised. They not only had each other to ask instead, they also had close friends they had known for many years. As I wondered why they chose me, I searched out our pasts together. I did the things most fathers do. We supported them in their school activities and sports. We transported them to and from practices and games. We took vacations together—fishing, swimming, and visiting new cities and parks. Maybe their memories of the fun were as good as mine. I also remembered when the boys took on paper routes to earn spending money. They were following the lead of their sisters, who always got their own jobs. Then one son told me that a gang of boys had been beating up his brother. So I volunteered to help that son with the Sunday morning delivery. With all the weekend inserts, each paper weighed several pounds, and my sons recognized a good thing. I ended up helping for five years. Many Sundays, after I had helped to complete “our” paper route, I would take my son to breakfast. In one case, this time alone with Dad helped a son solve the problem of the bullies. In 1998, I became seriously ill with liver disease brought on by Hepatitis C. After a last-minute liver transplant, I came out of the surgery to find everyone waiting there, even though some lived as far as 10 hours away. That was typical. They visited often while I was ill. There is no doubt they helped me survive the illness. Recently, my son Pete, the last of our six to marry, asked me to be his best man at his wedding this August. Now his siblings will see me stand with their brother at the altar gain. Do they have any idea what this means to me? Shortly after Pete’s request, I talked with a man who had a four-year-old son. I mentioned that for the fourth time I would soon be the best man for a son. The man had tears in his eyes. He said that if his son ever asked him to be the best man, it would be the proudest day in his life. I know what he means. Fathers try very hard to develop a good relationship with their sons, starting at a very early age. There are endless stories of fathers doing their best for their sons—in major health situations, in athletic endeavors, in support of their school efforts, in all kinds of events. Who can ever tell what impact those things will have? In my case, my sons said they wanted me to their best man. They have not shared with me the specific reason why. Maybe some day they will; that’s up to them. Phillies baseball fans know of the close relationship of John Vukovich, long-time coach, and his son Vince, a star player at Delaware University. Vince calls his father his “best friend.” Recently John had major surgery and Vince was considering not playing an important game. His father told him to play. There is no question that the close father-son relationship came about because of quality time together on and of the baseball field. Fathers that respect their son’s wishes and encourage them in their interests form a strong bond that will last forever. This summer I will be beside a son again as he waits at the end of an aisle to become a husband. Two other times, I have gone arm-in-arm with a daughter down a similar aisle. It takes only seconds to walk that aisle, but years of memories walk with me. I don’t know what our kids recall. But I know that it is an incredible feeling to be the best man to a son, every time. I also know that if my wife and I had the chance to earn the experience again, we would answer with a thrilled, “I do.” #